Procrastination & Other Ways We Self Sabotage
Procrastination is a form of creative avoidance, which is one way we avoid working towards our goals. This desire to put off what we are working on is caused by our sabotaging identities, a subconscious part of us. These sabotaging identities are designed to keep you the same as you’ve always been because even if you don’t enjoy feeling those emotions associated with the way you’ve always been, these emotions are familiar and it identifies everything that’s familiar as safe.
Where do sabotaging identities come from?
At one point in your life (under the age of 7), these identities were actually helpful for you. For example, my primary sabotaging identity makes me think I’m not good enough. When I was 3-4 years old, this was beneficial because it kept me striving to be better and pushing myself to learn more and more. This identity is the reason why I could read at a 3rd grade level on my first day of kindergarten – it gave me a high level of motivation to be a better person. Over time I have grown more and more but that identity has stayed the same. Fast forward 32 years and this identity which used to be beneficial is now holding me back because when I am working on things, it has become the voice of my inner critic telling me that I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough.
This is the same for all six of the sabotaging identities – what used to help us is now holding us back. When you know what your particular sabotaging identity is, you can start to work with it so that it’s no longer running you! Besides identifying which sabotaging identity is holding you back, it’s important to recognize the ways you’re holding yourself back. When you recognize these patterns, you can use them as a cue to understand when your sabotaging identity has taken over!
In addition to procrastination, other common ways we self sabotage include:
- Chronic worrying: People tend to get stuck in a cycle of chronic worrying because it gives a sense of control over a situation. When something is out of your control, worrying can give us the illusion that we can do something about a certain situation. This in the end causes more harm than good however, causing more stress and anxiety than is needed.
- People pleasing: Sometimes we make decisions based on how it will make others feel. This can be self sabotaging as when we are in this mindset we aren’t making decisions or doing things based on what we want and we are holding ourselves back based on how we think this will make others react to us.
- Confusion: This is the sneakiest way we sabotage ourselves! By going into confusion and telling ourselves “I don’t know how to …” we are preventing ourselves from having to make a tough decision. Sure there are times that we don’t actually know, but it’s often that we use this as an excuse so we don’t have to move forward on our goals.
How can we reduce our self sabotage?
- Join my Empowered Living Membership! I will teach you all about the six sabotaging identities, how to spot them when they’re holding you back and what you can do to reduce the amount of self sabotage you’re experiencing. Plus so much more! Join now!
- Tap into your “big why:” Think about the deeper meaning for why you want something and return to that often. Your why is very important because it’s the motivation for everything that you do in life! When you recognize yourself in a self sabotage pattern take a step back and read your why statement to get tapped back into your power and take action.
- Connect with your higher self: Your higher self already has all of the answers. We can tune into our higher self by getting quiet and going within. Tap into that through meditation, walking in nature, journaling, or practicing gratitude. Any way that you get connected with your inner knowing is a great way to receive the necessary information from your higher self!
- Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Sides: Everyone has a dominant masculine or feminine nature. Masculine nature is active, external and often action taking. The feminine nature is more passive, thoughtful, creative and feeds internal energy. It’s important that we balance both of these energies so that one does not overpower the other. It’s very common in our culture to get stuck in masculine action taking mode and we get the best results when both of these sides are balanced. So ask yourself what feminine actions are you taking and how can you use them to support you in reducing your self sabotage!
Mirror Work Works!
Mirror Work Works – How to Improve Your Self Love!
Self love is an essential key to living a happy life. One of the most effective tools for increasing your self love is mirror work. Mirror work is a very simple concept – it involves looking at yourself in the mirror and saying/thinking nice things about yourself. Although it’s a simple concept, it’s not always an easy practice. I highly recommend doing these exercises if you want to improve your self love and acceptance.
How Does It Work?
When you look in the mirror, your emotions about yourself are reflected back at you. Whatever you are saying to yourself in your head is visible in the emotions on your face. If what you are saying to yourself is not very nice, this can be a challenging exercise at first. Thankfully it clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to shift if you want to improve your self love and live a joy filled life. And that’s the beauty of mirror work, it helps you become much more aware of those background thoughts you are saying to yourself, which is the first step at increasing your self love and the first step at shifting your mindset! The great news is that once you get into the habit of doing this regularly, it starts to become fun and you’ll learn to really enjoy this exercise!
Mirror Work Exercises
I recommend trying these exercises everyday for 21-30 days to dramatically improve your self love!
- Start off by smiling: this is one of the easiest places to start with mirror work. Stand in the mirror and close your eyes. Think about something (anything) that makes you really happy. Feel those happy feelings in your body and allow yourself to have a big smile from these feelings of happiness. Now open your eyes and keep smiling at yourself in the mirror for 1 minute. Notice how beautiful you are when you are smiling.
- Compliment and love yourself: this is the next step in building onto your mirror practice and can be added on after doing the smiling exercise. It’s very simple – look in the mirror and give yourself compliments out loud or in your head. They can be any kind of compliment (about your physical appearance, your personality, etc). Just spend 2-3 minutes complimenting yourself and saying “I love you” to yourself. Look at yourself as you would your best friend and simply be kind to yourself with your thoughts and your words. If you notice yourself having a not so nice thought about some part of you, be sure to find ways to compliment that part of yourself. The trick to this one is to look yourself in the eyes and say I love you to yourself so much that you actually believe it and the reflection of you says “I love you” back.
- Gratitude for your whole self: this is the most advanced type of mirror work. I strongly recommend working through the first two exercises before even attempting this last one. Again, the idea is simple – look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself compliments and be grateful to yourself for how amazing you are for 5 whole minutes. The catch? This exercise is to be done while you are standing in front of the mirror naked. Looking at every part of yourself in the mirror means that you can’t hide your negative thoughts about your body from yourself, they’ll be reflected back at you. Each time you notice yourself saying something negative, find a way to compliment that part of yourself. Although this may be the most difficult exercise, it’s definitely the most powerful and transformative.
Show Yourself Grace
Mirror work can be very tough in the beginning but the rewards make this exercise worth doing. Remember that like anything else, this is a process and it’ll get much easier with time. Even practiced people like myself can have negative reactions to looking at yourself in the mirror. Heck, I’m a mindset coach and I still catch myself occasionally saying negative things about myself when I look in the mirror. But I know firsthand how much this works! Fifteen years ago, I noticed that I never looked in the mirror. I would go days, weeks, even months without so much as glancing in the mirror and when I did I would grimace and say terrible things to myself in my head. After doing mirror work, not only do I now look at myself in the mirror, the vast majority of the time my first response is to say something nice to myself in my head. This exercise has helped me learn to love myself inside and out!
Benefits Of Mirror Work
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you’re saying negative things about yourself, you’re probably saying negative things about others and the world around you. So the benefit of loving yourself more will show up in every area of your life! Practicing self love daily will help reduce your overall stress and anxiety, boost your confidence and self esteem, increase your happiness and satisfaction with life, allow you to start living your full potential and so much more.
How else could your life improve when you increase your self love? Try it yourself today and find out!
How Meditation Changed My Life & Tips To Make Your Meditation Habit Stick
Meditation is a powerful tool that can totally change your life! I know because I am living proof of this – I wouldn’t be a coach today if it wasn’t for meditation! Read on to learn more story and tips on how to make your own meditation habit stick!
My Story:
I had heard from dozens of people “you need to meditate!” I was high strung, very stressed out and having regular anxiety/panic attacks. I decided that I didn’t want to live my life medicated any longer, so I went off my anti-anxiety meds and started looking for natural alternatives. After trying out many things, I found 2 things that worked and made a BIG difference: probiotics (read more here) and meditation!
The probiotics helped get my gut bacteria balanced out (there’s a lot of research showing link between microbiome imbalances and anxiety). The meditation helped me quiet my mind and unlocked many different doors that got me where I am today! At the time I started meditation, I was honestly afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I was constantly overwhelmed and on the verge of falling apart. I had just experienced some significant health challenges due to a long term leg injury and gained 50+ pounds as the result of my inactivity. I was depressed, anxious, and desperate to find a way out.
I had just met my husband, an avid meditator for years at that point, and he saw that it was obvious I could use support in quieting my mind. He encouraged me to meditate and I told him I had already tried and it didn’t work. Although I had tried, I had the incorrect expectations and understanding around meditation, which made it a painful process. I would sit quietly and attempt to stop all my thoughts, and if you’ve ever meditated, you know that’s when your thoughts come loud and fast like a fire hose. I would sit there, struggling to stop my thoughts, getting frustrated at myself and feeling like I was wasting my time. This lead to more anxiety and I always came out of the meditation more stressed out then when I sat down. After more than a dozen attempts, I decided that meditation just wasn’t for me and wrote it off entirely.
The Turning Point:
My husband heard my struggles and supported me in understand that meditation isn’t simply about stopping your thoughts. It’s about being present in the moment and letting your thoughts float by without being attached to them. He taught me about mindfulness meditation which is about focusing on your breath as an anchor and place to put your attention so you don’t get wrapped up in your thoughts. Knowing that I still was having trouble with that, he started me off in a much better place – active meditation. Active meditation is simply doing a task that requires to conscious effort so you can get into a zen-like meditative state.
I started off with meditative coloring, crafting, nature walks and I loved it. When I was physically doing something, I found it easy to get to a calm place in my mind and let go of my thoughts. I practiced active meditation as much as I could and really enjoyed it… my mind had been changed about how great meditation can be! Then I graduated to short guided meditations (5-10 minutes). I would sit and listen to soothing voices as people narrated my meditation experience. It was so easy to get into a meditative state and I felt amazing at the end! They were so enjoyable that I found myself listening to longer and longer meditations and eventually working my way up for 30+ minutes! I started to notice immediately that I was a lot less stressed, less reactive to things that used to trigger me and was genuinely enjoying life more!
Finally I had found my groove in meditation! After months of this, I finally moved onto quiet self guided meditations. These are more advanced techniques, so if you can do this, give yourself a pat on the back! I would spend 10-15 minutes each day of quiet meditation. At the time many things in my life had improved, however I still found myself searching for answers. My job wasn’t bringing me any joy but I had no idea what my next step would be. My health challenges and extra weight left me feeling disempowered and doctors had literally told me I was “broken,” so I was sad about that. All of my answers came through my quiet meditations!
During my meditation, I would hear these divine whispers pointing me in the correct direction. I was really sick of feeling “broken” and one day a giant lightbulb clicked: I wrote million dollar grants for the National Institute of Health and did research for a living… why had I not looked at the research to address my personal health struggles?! I threw myself into deep research and went deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole, loving every second I was researching about health. Long story short is that through research I solved all my health problems, completely changed my life and inspired me to become a health coach to help others. Meditation had turned me onto my new life path that I had been longing for!
Why you should meditate too:
There is TONS of research out there sharing the amazing benefits of meditation. It helped me completely change my life path and the more I looked inward for guidance, the more clear it became where I was going in my life.
So many people I have talked with say that they don’t have time for meditation. I think you don’t have time to NOT meditate! Taking a few minutes per day to meditation has shown to increase your productivity and mental clarity throughout the day, which helps you be significantly more effective. Turning inward for guidance helps you focus on what’s important instead of wasting your time on things that don’t matter to you (like what I was doing in my dead end job and the bad habits I was doing to escape my terrible job). Meditation gave me hours back everyday and made me a much better, happier person!
I’ve made a compelling argument of why it’s beneficial to add meditation to your self care routine. However, sometimes it can be hard to start a new habit. The next trick is making the habit stick!
Here are some tips for how to get your meditation habit to stick:
-
- Start with active & guided meditations!
- Active meditation is easy! It is doing things that get you into a relaxed meditative state. Coloring, nature walks, doing the dishes, crafting, anything where you zone out and lose yourself in an activity that doesn’t require your mind.
- There are thousands of guided meditations available for free that you can use! Check out youtube or one of the many meditation apps for more guided meditations.
- Start small = 2-5 minutes is enough to start!
- Many people think that you need to meditate for 15-30 minutes per day. While that’s a great place to be, it’s often not accessible for someone starting out a meditation habit. As little as 2-5 minutes done every single day make a big difference in your life!
- Be consistent = meditate daily!
- Just like any other habit, consistency matters much more than duration when you want to establish a new habit.
- Establish a daily routine!
- Creating time in your calendar for a daily meditation routine is a huge key to success! Remember that doing things in the morning is the best way to ensure that they’re getting completed each day.
- Identify yourself as a meditator!
- Identifying yourself as a meditator is a great way to trick your brain into making it easier to establish a regular habit!
- Start with active & guided meditations!
By following these tips you’ll be able to easily form a meditation practice that benefits you without feeling like you don’t have the time!
Choose Happiness Today!
Happiness is amazing for your health! It improves your immune system, decreases your blood pressure and reduces stress in your body! However sometimes it’s tricky to feel happy when you’re stressed or unhappy in life. Thankfully it’s still possible to choose happiness no matter what the situation!
Here are some tips on how you can shift your mindset to choose happiness!
- Choosing happiness is NOT about ignoring negative emotions! It is very important to feel your emotions even if they’re negative! When you resist or ignore your negative feelings, they persist in your life and tend to get even louder. If you want to release negative emotions, it’s important to honor your feelings by acknowledging their presence and accepting the fact that they’re there. When you acknowledge and accept your negative feelings, you allow them to be released.
- Visualization is a great tool to shift into a feeling of happiness! Taking a moment to visualize things going well in whatever situation you’re in gives you a mental and emotional boost. The great thing about visualizing yourself as being happy is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between the visualization and reality. So not only are you normalizing the feelings of happiness in your body, you’re actually convincing it to shift into an emotional state of happiness to match the visualization!
- Gratitude is an excellent way to embrace your happiness. No matter what is going on around you, it’s possible to pause and find gratitude for things around you. If you’re in a negative situation this can be tricky but it’s still totally possible. By choosing to focus on gratitude, your choosing to see the silver lining in the situation and you’re consciously choosing to be happy in that moment!
- Positive affirmations & positive internal monolog are a great way to shift into happiness! Choosing to have an upbeat attitude and say positive things to yourself is encouraging and supporting. When you practice this you can have a great day and feel good no matter how much things seem to be falling apart around you. And similarly, positive affirmations are also programming your brain with positive things. Whatever we repeat to ourselves is programmed into the subconscious and it’s the job of the subconscious to make it true and find where it’s already present in our lives!
Gratitude Guided Meditation
Gratitude is one of the most powerful things you can do to create a happy, balanced, peaceful life! This means it’s a great way to start the new year off on the right foot! Check out my amazing gratitude meditation focused on giving gratitude to your body!
How to set your year up for success!
It’s almost New Year’s Eve, so now is the perfect time to start thinking about 2022! What are some things you want to do differently this year? What are some improvements you want to make in your life this year? Here are some tips on how to set your year up for success!
- Reflect on the last year: Think about what worked and what didn’t work this past year. Was your self care lacking? Or maybe you didn’t get enough fruits and veggies in your diet. Try some of these journaling prompts to see what comes up for you and what you’d like to change in the new year: What went well for me last year? What accomplishments did I have? How did I improve my life? What do I wish I had taken more time for?
- Choose one thing at a time to focus on: Be intentional with your list of to-do’s. When making goals ask why you want to accomplish one specific thing and work towards that.
- Start a gratitude journal: Journaling is an amazing practice and habit to get into. One amazing way to practice journaling is to create a gratitude journal. Write down one thing daily that you were thankful for even if it’s as simple as not being stuck in traffic that day. In practicing gratitude you’ll start to notice you’ll look at the world a little differently.
- Try something new: Trying new things will open your eyes to new opportunities. Try out a new sport like pickleball or a new type of exercise like Zumba. You might even find a new hobby that you love!
- Write a personal mission statement or mantra: Do you have a mantra for the type of person you want to show up as? Create one for the new year and remind yourself of it daily.
- Slow down to gain momentum: Take some time everyday to think, plan, and slow down. You’ll become more aware of your dreams, and goals and you’ll gain clarity to move forward.
- Make new connections: Attend a networking event or reconnect with an old friend. Meeting with others will open new doors, and provide new perspectives.
If you want any help creating new habits, shifting your mindset, or improving your self care, check out private coaching with Kitty. She can help you create lasting changes with ease! Schedule your complimentary 30 minute discovery call!
World Thank You Note Day!
Today is World Thank You Note Day! Writing a thank you note is a great way to share with others how much you appreciate them!! Writing thank you notes is a fun way to express your gratitude in a meaningful way that makes you both feel great!
In a world of texts and emails, writing handwritten thank you notes is a lost art form.
When I was growing up, my mother insisted I wrote thank you notes for everything I received. As a child it seemed laborious activity and as I grew older I could see the real value in it. Someone went to the effort to think about me and what I might enjoy, then they took the effort to send it to me. The least I could do was express my appreciation for it! I also had an experience once that solidified how important this simple act can be. I went to a wedding and gave a generous wedding gift … for which I never received a thank you note. I was both worried they had not received it and slightly offended that they never took the time to write me a note.
I also got to see how much joy it brought people to receive the thank you notes. My friends and family would often bring it up when we next spoke how much they appreciated my card. Fast forward to the technological age of today, this personal touch makes you really stand out as someone who cares. The best part is that it only takes 5-10 minutes to write a thank you and the impact it has is well worth the effort!
Here is a new twist on thank you notes that I would encourage you to do: instead of thanking people for their presents, thank them for their presence in your life!
For everyone who has had an impact on your life or supported you in a meaningful way, write them a thank you note! Really pour your heart into it as you write. Tell them how much they mean to you. Talk about the things you admire in them or why you love them. Share with them the impact they have had on you and the lessons they have taught you. Imagine how much the people in your life would feel appreciated and loved. And I promise that this will deepen your relationships with the important people in your life!
Although this might sound overwhelming at first, this can be such an easy thing to do! If you wrote one of these thank you notes each week, starting with the most important people, you would be able to share your gratitude with everyone in your life in a few months. I recommend starting your week out with this simple exercise because it will help you focus on gratitude throughout the week. Happy writing!
Gratitude is Great for Mental Fitness!
Practicing gratitude in your day to day is a great way to bring more happiness into your life. This simple act of changing your perspective can have profound effects on your mental health, physical health and can bring more positivity into your world. Make it a point to be aware of how you are reacting to situations and look at things from a new perspective. You would be surprised at all of the amazing ways practicing gratitude can impact your life. Check out our list below for how gratitude improves your life:
- Gratitude increases mental strength: Studies have shown that practicing gratitude can have profound effects on those who have experienced trauma. Gratitude can really help build resilience to better help your brain cope with stressors.
- Gratitude improves self-esteem: Those who are grateful are able to really appreciate and be happy for others accomplishments. These types of people don’t play the comparison game or feel resentment towards or jealousy.
- Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression: Grateful people overall experience more positivity and are less likely to retaliate against others and have fewer tendencies to seek revenge or cause harm.
- Grateful people sleep better: Those that spend even 15 minutes a day reflecting on why they are grateful can get a better night’s rest than those who don’t practice gratitude.
- Gratitude improves psychological health: Studies have shown that gratitude reduces many toxic emotions such as jealousy and frustration. There is a link between gratitude increasing happiness and overall well being.
- Gratitude opens the door to more relationships: When you practice gratitude you’ll have a more positive outlook overall and an energetic personality that others will be drawn to. Your openness will help create new connections and other people will want to be around your energy more.
- Gratitude improves physical health: Practice gratitude overall has great health benefits. You’ll experience lower stress levels, and fewer aches and pains. Grateful people are more likely to take care of their health, exercise, and eat healthy meals.
Practicing gratitude has so many amazing benefits. When practicing gratitude you’ll be more open minded, overall healthier and will attract great things into your life!
Prosper Where You Are Planted!
September is Prosper Where You Are Planted Month. The saying “prosper where you are planted” means to accept your present situation and to take advantage of all the opportunities around you. That is easier said than done! We often find ourselves resisting the current situation and thinking to ourselves “the future will be better when…” This is a slippery slope that actually prevents us from having what we want. Oftentimes when people are unhappy in life they’re focusing on the negative aspects of their situation. Let’s use this month to rewrite our narratives. Let’s break free from the constraints of waiting for the “perfect” moment and start seeing the potential within each moment. It’s a shift in perspective that empowers us to cultivate a garden of opportunity right where we stand, embracing the gifts that our present situation offers. With practice, we have the power to transform adversity into growth and flourish in even the most unexpected circumstances. Life’s twists and turns might not always lead us down the path we envisioned, but they can lead us towards remarkable personal growth and resilience.
Here are some tips on how you can learn how to thrive and prosper where you are planted!
How to Thrive:
Step 1: Shift your mindset to an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for everything in your life, even the negative things. When you’re in a tough situation, be grateful for the lessons it’s teaching you and the opportunity to grow. I challenge you to take any negative thing in your life and find 3 positives that have come out of it!
Step 2: Be present! Usually when we’re feeling upset it’s because we’re regretting the past or worrying about the future. Take some deep breaths and realize how amazing it is that you’re alive right now. When you focus on the present moment, most of your negative emotions will just fall away. The easiest way to focus on the present is to focus on your breath as it goes in and out of your nose.
Step 3: Look for opportunities around you. This is often tricky when you’re feeling negative emotions, so get creative! Make a list of 10 opportunities that are available to you right now in the situation you’re working through. It might feel like a stretch to get to 10, but I know you can if you brainstorm! This may involve doing new things, taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone. It may also involve making connections, asking for help and working diligently.
Step 4: Make the most of each day. Don’t let yourself get stuck in procrastination, fear, anxiety or any other negative emotion! Be a positive force in the world by bringing positivity into your life and the lives of others! Brainstorm 5 ways that you take action in the day and get moving on them! They can be little things, like smiling at people on the street as you walk by.
When you focus on these 4 steps, you will bloom in your life and grow into the person you want to become!
I just want to note that this is easier said than done because sometimes it’s hard not to be negative! Our brains are actually conditioned to focus on the negative evolutionarily, because having an eye on the things that are “wrong” in the situation – like a sabertooth tiger on the other side of the field – actually kept you alive. Unfortunately this means that we will naturally tend to focus on and talk about what we don’t like instead of what we do like. Training your brain to focus on the positive can be tricky without guidance. It’s important to show yourself a lot of grace while you’re practicing on improving your mindset. If you are having trouble shifting your mindset or feeling stuck and want some support to prosper in your current circumstances, then check out the EVOX. It’s a biofeedback device that literally rewires your brain for more happiness and success!
To learn more about how Kitty can help you make your lemons in life into lemonade, book a free discovery call.
Smile to improve your health!
June is National Smile month. Smiling and laughing so many benefits that support you on mental, emotional, physical and social levels. Here are 8 reasons to smile as much as possible!
- Smiling activates brain chemistry that boosts your mood! When you smile your brain releases dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin – all of which are feel good molecules that increase your feelings of happiness. Regardless of how you feel, smiling boosts your mood and increases positive thoughts!
- Reduce your stress with a smile! Studies have shown that smiling decreases cortisol (stress hormone) production which lowers your stress levels. Smiling also decreases feelings of anxiety and depression.
- Did you know that smiling boosts your immune system? One study showed that smiling and laughing actually increased the number of infection-fighting antibodies and immune cells. So give your immune system a boost with a good belly laugh!
- Smiling decreases your pain! The endorphins released by smiling and laughing actually reduce your feeling of pain. Which means laughter really is one of the best medicines!
- Lower your blood pressure with a smile! Studies have shown that laughing can briefly increase your heart rate followed immediately by a slower heart rate and decreased blood pressure. Even small amounts of laughing can help reduce your risk of heart disease!
- Did you know that smiling makes you look younger? One study showed that subjects who were smiling were rated as looking younger than the same person with a neutral or angry expression. Be sure to smile to embrace a youthful appearance!
- Smiling can help you have better relationships! People who smile often are described as more likeable and positive, which leads to better relationships and improves overall well-being.
- Would you like to be more attractive? Smiling makes you appear more attractive to others. Multiple research studies have found that people who are smiling are rated as more attractive.
No matter how you feel, you are only one smile away from having a better day! Anytime you are looking for a quick “pick me up,” turn on a funny video or do something else that gets you smiling and laughing!
