Procrastination & Other Ways We Self Sabotage
Procrastination is a form of creative avoidance, which is one way we avoid working towards our goals. This desire to put off what we are working on is caused by our sabotaging identities, a subconscious part of us. These sabotaging identities are designed to keep you the same as you’ve always been because even if you don’t enjoy feeling those emotions associated with the way you’ve always been, these emotions are familiar and it identifies everything that’s familiar as safe.
Where do sabotaging identities come from?
At one point in your life (under the age of 7), these identities were actually helpful for you. For example, my primary sabotaging identity makes me think I’m not good enough. When I was 3-4 years old, this was beneficial because it kept me striving to be better and pushing myself to learn more and more. This identity is the reason why I could read at a 3rd grade level on my first day of kindergarten – it gave me a high level of motivation to be a better person. Over time I have grown more and more but that identity has stayed the same. Fast forward 32 years and this identity which used to be beneficial is now holding me back because when I am working on things, it has become the voice of my inner critic telling me that I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough.
This is the same for all six of the sabotaging identities – what used to help us is now holding us back. When you know what your particular sabotaging identity is, you can start to work with it so that it’s no longer running you! Besides identifying which sabotaging identity is holding you back, it’s important to recognize the ways you’re holding yourself back. When you recognize these patterns, you can use them as a cue to understand when your sabotaging identity has taken over!
In addition to procrastination, other common ways we self sabotage include:
- Chronic worrying: People tend to get stuck in a cycle of chronic worrying because it gives a sense of control over a situation. When something is out of your control, worrying can give us the illusion that we can do something about a certain situation. This in the end causes more harm than good however, causing more stress and anxiety than is needed.
- People pleasing: Sometimes we make decisions based on how it will make others feel. This can be self sabotaging as when we are in this mindset we aren’t making decisions or doing things based on what we want and we are holding ourselves back based on how we think this will make others react to us.
- Confusion: This is the sneakiest way we sabotage ourselves! By going into confusion and telling ourselves “I don’t know how to …” we are preventing ourselves from having to make a tough decision. Sure there are times that we don’t actually know, but it’s often that we use this as an excuse so we don’t have to move forward on our goals.
How can we reduce our self sabotage?
- Join my Empowered Living Membership! I will teach you all about the six sabotaging identities, how to spot them when they’re holding you back and what you can do to reduce the amount of self sabotage you’re experiencing. Plus so much more! Join now!
- Tap into your “big why:” Think about the deeper meaning for why you want something and return to that often. Your why is very important because it’s the motivation for everything that you do in life! When you recognize yourself in a self sabotage pattern take a step back and read your why statement to get tapped back into your power and take action.
- Connect with your higher self: Your higher self already has all of the answers. We can tune into our higher self by getting quiet and going within. Tap into that through meditation, walking in nature, journaling, or practicing gratitude. Any way that you get connected with your inner knowing is a great way to receive the necessary information from your higher self!
- Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Sides: Everyone has a dominant masculine or feminine nature. Masculine nature is active, external and often action taking. The feminine nature is more passive, thoughtful, creative and feeds internal energy. It’s important that we balance both of these energies so that one does not overpower the other. It’s very common in our culture to get stuck in masculine action taking mode and we get the best results when both of these sides are balanced. So ask yourself what feminine actions are you taking and how can you use them to support you in reducing your self sabotage!
Mirror Work Works!
Mirror Work Works – How to Improve Your Self Love!
Self love is an essential key to living a happy life. One of the most effective tools for increasing your self love is mirror work. Mirror work is a very simple concept – it involves looking at yourself in the mirror and saying/thinking nice things about yourself. Although it’s a simple concept, it’s not always an easy practice. I highly recommend doing these exercises if you want to improve your self love and acceptance.
How Does It Work?
When you look in the mirror, your emotions about yourself are reflected back at you. Whatever you are saying to yourself in your head is visible in the emotions on your face. If what you are saying to yourself is not very nice, this can be a challenging exercise at first. Thankfully it clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to shift if you want to improve your self love and live a joy filled life. And that’s the beauty of mirror work, it helps you become much more aware of those background thoughts you are saying to yourself, which is the first step at increasing your self love and the first step at shifting your mindset! The great news is that once you get into the habit of doing this regularly, it starts to become fun and you’ll learn to really enjoy this exercise!
Mirror Work Exercises
I recommend trying these exercises everyday for 21-30 days to dramatically improve your self love!
- Start off by smiling: this is one of the easiest places to start with mirror work. Stand in the mirror and close your eyes. Think about something (anything) that makes you really happy. Feel those happy feelings in your body and allow yourself to have a big smile from these feelings of happiness. Now open your eyes and keep smiling at yourself in the mirror for 1 minute. Notice how beautiful you are when you are smiling.
- Compliment and love yourself: this is the next step in building onto your mirror practice and can be added on after doing the smiling exercise. It’s very simple – look in the mirror and give yourself compliments out loud or in your head. They can be any kind of compliment (about your physical appearance, your personality, etc). Just spend 2-3 minutes complimenting yourself and saying “I love you” to yourself. Look at yourself as you would your best friend and simply be kind to yourself with your thoughts and your words. If you notice yourself having a not so nice thought about some part of you, be sure to find ways to compliment that part of yourself. The trick to this one is to look yourself in the eyes and say I love you to yourself so much that you actually believe it and the reflection of you says “I love you” back.
- Gratitude for your whole self: this is the most advanced type of mirror work. I strongly recommend working through the first two exercises before even attempting this last one. Again, the idea is simple – look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself compliments and be grateful to yourself for how amazing you are for 5 whole minutes. The catch? This exercise is to be done while you are standing in front of the mirror naked. Looking at every part of yourself in the mirror means that you can’t hide your negative thoughts about your body from yourself, they’ll be reflected back at you. Each time you notice yourself saying something negative, find a way to compliment that part of yourself. Although this may be the most difficult exercise, it’s definitely the most powerful and transformative.
Show Yourself Grace
Mirror work can be very tough in the beginning but the rewards make this exercise worth doing. Remember that like anything else, this is a process and it’ll get much easier with time. Even practiced people like myself can have negative reactions to looking at yourself in the mirror. Heck, I’m a mindset coach and I still catch myself occasionally saying negative things about myself when I look in the mirror. But I know firsthand how much this works! Fifteen years ago, I noticed that I never looked in the mirror. I would go days, weeks, even months without so much as glancing in the mirror and when I did I would grimace and say terrible things to myself in my head. After doing mirror work, not only do I now look at myself in the mirror, the vast majority of the time my first response is to say something nice to myself in my head. This exercise has helped me learn to love myself inside and out!
Benefits Of Mirror Work
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you’re saying negative things about yourself, you’re probably saying negative things about others and the world around you. So the benefit of loving yourself more will show up in every area of your life! Practicing self love daily will help reduce your overall stress and anxiety, boost your confidence and self esteem, increase your happiness and satisfaction with life, allow you to start living your full potential and so much more.
How else could your life improve when you increase your self love? Try it yourself today and find out!
7 Tips To Reduce Your Stress <5 minutes!
A small amount of stress in our lives can be a good thing, like having a deadline inspires you to complete a project in a timely manner. The problem is that most of us have chronic and consistent stress that never goes away. When stress becomes chronic or severe it can quickly create problems for your mental, physical, and emotional health. Long-term stress is often a contributing factor in many health conditions, including heart disease, lung disease, and even increases the risk of accidents. The good news is there are things that we can do to reduce stress to help us live happier lives!
Read these 7 tips on how to reduce your stress in less than 5 minutes:
- Long hugs (greater than 30 seconds): long hugs release oxytocin, which promotes feelings of relaxation, increases happiness, decreases stress!
- Grounding: sometimes called earthing – getting your skin to touch the ground. We are bioelectrical beings living on an electrical planet. Walking barefoot, laying on the ground, and wading in shallow water are all great ways to reduce your stress.
- Dancing & singing to music: Singing and dancing your heart out for a few minutes is a great mental reset technique! Choose a song that makes you feel happy.
- Do something tactile: this is a great way to activate your senses, which gets you out of your head and back in your body. To do this, simply focus on one thing you can smell, hear, touch, etc. Maybe it’s petting an animal or smelling a relaxing essential oil, etc.
- Quick burst of exercise: doing a few minutes of exercise is a great way to boost your mood, boost your energy, and reduce stress & anxiety! It’s as easy as 1 minute of jumping jacks or running up and down your stairs a few times.
- Body scans & progressive muscle relaxation: close your eyes for a minute and focus on your body. Starting with the muscles in your head and moving down, focus your attention on all of the muscles throughout your body. Notice how each muscle feels and then relax each muscle. If you are having a tough time relaxing a muscle, squeeze it & relax. The goal is to breathe into your muscles to reduce the tension!
- Deep breathing: it only takes 3 long deep breaths to reduce the stress in your body! You can simply take long, slow, deep breaths filling all of your lungs or you can focus on box breathing where you breath in for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, breath out for a count of 4, and hold no breath for a count of 4.
Try one of these stress management techniques out today!
How to set SMARTER goals!
Setting goals literally rewires your brain to make essential parts work more effectively! Our brains have neuroplasticity, which means that goal-setting literally changes the structure of your brain so it’s optimized to achieve that goal. Our brain doesn’t know the difference between what we want and what we have. This means setting a goal is a great way to trick your brain into thinking that your goal is already part of your life, which makes it much easier to start working towards your goal! As an added bonus, setting goals boosts your brain’s serotonin and dopamine levels making you feel better and more confident! Here are some tips on how to set SMARTER goals!
How to set a SMARTER goal! When setting your goal make sure they follow these parameters:
- SPECIFIC – Good goals are clear, concise and have a specific end result/target.
- MEASURABLE– What does success look like for this goal? How is it measured so you know when you have achieved it?
- ACHIEVABLE – The goal or task must be challenging but still possible. Gently pushing the limits encourages improvement and growth.
- RELEVANT – Does the goal fit with your overall life goals and core values?
- TIME-BOUND – When will you achieve this goal?
- EXCITING – What excites you about this goal? The benefits should be worthwhile to maintain commitment and motivation to the end.
- REVIEWABLE – Reviewing progress is an important aspect of a goal. A good goal is set up in a way that it can be reviewable periodically to see what is working or not working. If you find your progress isn’t where you want it to be, revisit the goals and revise them as needed.
When setting goals there are a few things that you can do to help you in addition to setting smarter goals.
- Find an accountability buddy. Having someone that you can discuss your goals with and help hold accountable will create momentum.
- Journal on your goals as well, ask yourself what are you willing to try to achieve your goals, are you able to step outside of your comfort zone to make a goal happen?
- Checking in with yourself and others will help you stay on track and get you closer to accomplishing your goals.
If you want support setting and implementing your goals, reach out to Kitty for a complimentary discovery call!
Choose Happiness Today!
Happiness is amazing for your health! It improves your immune system, decreases your blood pressure and reduces stress in your body! However sometimes it’s tricky to feel happy when you’re stressed or unhappy in life. Thankfully it’s still possible to choose happiness no matter what the situation!
Here are some tips on how you can shift your mindset to choose happiness!
- Choosing happiness is NOT about ignoring negative emotions! It is very important to feel your emotions even if they’re negative! When you resist or ignore your negative feelings, they persist in your life and tend to get even louder. If you want to release negative emotions, it’s important to honor your feelings by acknowledging their presence and accepting the fact that they’re there. When you acknowledge and accept your negative feelings, you allow them to be released.
- Visualization is a great tool to shift into a feeling of happiness! Taking a moment to visualize things going well in whatever situation you’re in gives you a mental and emotional boost. The great thing about visualizing yourself as being happy is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between the visualization and reality. So not only are you normalizing the feelings of happiness in your body, you’re actually convincing it to shift into an emotional state of happiness to match the visualization!
- Gratitude is an excellent way to embrace your happiness. No matter what is going on around you, it’s possible to pause and find gratitude for things around you. If you’re in a negative situation this can be tricky but it’s still totally possible. By choosing to focus on gratitude, your choosing to see the silver lining in the situation and you’re consciously choosing to be happy in that moment!
- Positive affirmations & positive internal monolog are a great way to shift into happiness! Choosing to have an upbeat attitude and say positive things to yourself is encouraging and supporting. When you practice this you can have a great day and feel good no matter how much things seem to be falling apart around you. And similarly, positive affirmations are also programming your brain with positive things. Whatever we repeat to ourselves is programmed into the subconscious and it’s the job of the subconscious to make it true and find where it’s already present in our lives!
The Words You Say Matter!
Your internal monolog or the “voice inside your head” plays an important role in it can help you recognize how you see yourself and become aware of the thoughts that you have. A positive internal monolog is beneficial as it can help to decrease stress and relieve anxiety and depression. Your internal monolog is also a direct reflection of how you see and communicate in the world. This means a positive internal voice will reflect in positive actions externally and a positive view of the world!
A tip on how to shift your internal monolog:
It starts with awareness! Be aware of your inner voice and pay attention to what it is saying. Notice that not everything your inner voice says is true, the more you begin to realize this the easier it is to start to shift your thoughts and see your negative inner voice as not true.
- An exercise that helps with this- Pause throughout the day for 1 minute to ask:
- What am I thinking about right now?
- What am I feeling right now?
- You can remember to do this exercise by setting alarm reminders to go off randomly. You can also put a sticky note on your mirror that you’ll see everytime you wash your hands and look in the mirror (this is a great time to check in with yourself)!
Once you have awareness about your internal monolog, then you can start to identify what you’re thinking or saying to yourself that is holding you back. The easiest way to do this is to reframe the negative thoughts to be positive ones (ex: “This is a struggle for me” to “This is an opportunity for me to grow!”). Then anytime you notice yourself having that negative thought, you pause in that moment and say to yourself. I choose to see this in a positive way and repeat the positive phrase to yourself. If you want to learn more tips about how to shift your internal monolog, reach out to Kitty for additional support!
You Are Whatever You Think!
You are whatever you think!
There is some really fascinating research showing that you are whatever you think you are, which is why it’s so important to visualize yourself as successful! Your words and thoughts can limit or empower your entire life! A growing amount of psychology research has shown that you are whatever you think you are. In other words, your perception of yourself can actually change your physiological state!
A really cool study from 1981 called “Counterclockwise Study” once demonstrated that you are what you think and you can actually reverse your aging with your mindset!!!
The Study
Scientists asked a group of men in their 70s to do one simple thing for 5 days – pretend it was 1959. Not talk about that time but actually live as though it was that time and pretend as if they were 22 years younger. They were all put in a house that was secluded in the woods during this time. All of the decorations, furniture, and conditions of the house were made to look like it was 1959. The mirrors and any indication of the current time frame was removed from the house although the house did have pictures of them from when they were 22 years younger. These men read magazines, listened to radio shows and even watched black and white TV shows – all from 1959. They even ate food from 1959 and spent all of their time discussing sports and current events from that time. There were 2 control groups: one of men where nothing was changed and there was another group of men that were in the same 1959 environment but were asked to reminisce as though it was 1959 (instead of pretending that it was 1959).
The goal of this study was to get men to mentally trigger their bodies to reverse age and exhibit signs that they were younger. The results were ASTOUNDING and have changed what we understand around the psychology of aging!
The Results:
Prior to the study, these men had extensive testing and physiological measurements taken. Comparing the end results to the beginning is where the magic of this study really comes out! These men had statistically significant improvements in physical strength, gait, eyesight, hearing, memory and dexterity. In the group of men that pretended it was 1959, 63% of them had cognitive improvements. On average, they grew about 1 inch of height in just 5 days! Men that had started with a cane and unable to carry things left this house 5 days later without the cane and carrying their own suitcases! People outside of the study were asked to look at before and after photos of these men and the AFTER photo was rated to look 2 years younger on average!
Conclusion:
Just by pretending and thinking that they were 22 years younger, these men actually reversed their age in just 5 days!!! This is profound because it means that our brain has such strong control over our body that it can actually change our physiological measurements! Since you are what you think, this means that age is only a number and by simply believing that you’re younger than you are, you can reverse age your body! Your positive mindset actually defines your physical and mental abilities! Your expectations of yourself and your abilities are extremely powerful! So choose wisely how you want to view yourself!!!
How is your self esteem? Here’s some self esteem boosting tips!
On a scale of 1-10, how high is your self esteem?
Having low self esteem can negatively affect many aspects of your life. It may interfere with normal day-to-day activities and even hinder your ability to create relationships. Low self esteem can affect both your personal and professional life in big ways. The good news is that there are ways that you can boost your self esteem!
Here are some things you can do to change your perception of yourself:
- Think positively and writing down 10 great things about yourself
- Reach out to loved ones and friends to ask them what they think your best qualities are
- Surround yourself with a positive and supportive people that are cheering you on
- Incorporate more physical exercise into your routine because exercise releases endorphins
- Do something with a purpose because helping others is a big boost in self esteem and gives you a greater sense of purpose in your life
- Plan and be proactive about what you need to focus on. Procrastinating or putting things off until the next day is a drain on self esteem and can make you feel overwhelmed
- Listen to your body – rest when you need to! We can often push ourselves which makes us feel drained and can cause us to focus on the negative aspect of ourselves.
- Make sure you eat right because nourishing your body is a necessity to have balanced emotions and mindset.
- Set time aside for yourself because self care is an essential aspect
If you’re having trouble looking on the bright side or want support in moving past some tough emotions, reach out to Kitty! She can help you start accepting and releasing the negative emotions and together we can start thinking creatively and help you figure out how to move past it!
Schedule a mindset coaching call with Kitty today!
How are you setting 2022 up for success?
How are you setting your new year up for success? January is the perfect time for reflecting on 2021 and planning what you want in 2022. Intentionally planning what we want to achieve in the new year makes us much more likely to reach our goals!
Here are some ideas of how you can set yourself up for success and be intentional on what you want to create this year!
- Vision boards: Vision boards are a fun way to see your goals on paper and put your big dreams out into the universe. Creating a visual representation of your intentions and goals that you can look at everyday is a great way to program your subconscious mind and shift your mindset to success.
- Writing out your goals – Journal on your goals and write down everything you want to achieve this year (and beyond!). Then choose the most important things on the list and create an action plan of how to get there. This will help you stay focused on what you want and give you the steps to get there!
- Creating intentions (themes you want to focus your year around): Set themes to focus on this year. Will you be bringing more gratitude into your year? Maybe you want to focus on being calm and centered. Take some time to think about how you want to show up and how you want to feel this year and set that intention!
- Start a new healthy habit: Create a new healthy habit for yourself. Do you have a morning routine that energizes you and mentally prepares you for the day? What about an evening routine that helps you wind down and get ready for bed. Focus on creating a new habit that will improve your life and your health.
- Create a schedule that incorporates doing more things that you love: In this new year, intentionally plan a schedule that you love, incorporate more time with your family, work in gym time, and blocks to relax. Intentionally creating a schedule that you love will make you happier day to day and you’ll always have something to look forward to!
- Make yourself a priority with consistent self care: Many of us tend to push our self care to the bottom of our to-do list. Self-care is incredibly important for our mental health and overall wellbeing! By filling ourselves up mentally, physically, and emotionally as our top priority, we are more productive, happier, and have better lives overall!
- Sign up for Kitty’s Believe, Receive, Achieve program, an all in 3 month journey to shift your mindset and transform your life! You will create a vision of your dream life and learn the secrets tips on how to bring this vision into reality. This program is designed to help you identify what is holding you back and release these blocks so that you can start living your best, most empowered life. In addition to learning tools and techniques, this program will teach you how to implement small lasting changes that will make a big difference in your life. This group launches on January 31st and is filling up fast, so reserve your spot here now!
How to set your year up for success!
It’s almost New Year’s Eve, so now is the perfect time to start thinking about 2022! What are some things you want to do differently this year? What are some improvements you want to make in your life this year? Here are some tips on how to set your year up for success!
- Reflect on the last year: Think about what worked and what didn’t work this past year. Was your self care lacking? Or maybe you didn’t get enough fruits and veggies in your diet. Try some of these journaling prompts to see what comes up for you and what you’d like to change in the new year: What went well for me last year? What accomplishments did I have? How did I improve my life? What do I wish I had taken more time for?
- Choose one thing at a time to focus on: Be intentional with your list of to-do’s. When making goals ask why you want to accomplish one specific thing and work towards that.
- Start a gratitude journal: Journaling is an amazing practice and habit to get into. One amazing way to practice journaling is to create a gratitude journal. Write down one thing daily that you were thankful for even if it’s as simple as not being stuck in traffic that day. In practicing gratitude you’ll start to notice you’ll look at the world a little differently.
- Try something new: Trying new things will open your eyes to new opportunities. Try out a new sport like pickleball or a new type of exercise like Zumba. You might even find a new hobby that you love!
- Write a personal mission statement or mantra: Do you have a mantra for the type of person you want to show up as? Create one for the new year and remind yourself of it daily.
- Slow down to gain momentum: Take some time everyday to think, plan, and slow down. You’ll become more aware of your dreams, and goals and you’ll gain clarity to move forward.
- Make new connections: Attend a networking event or reconnect with an old friend. Meeting with others will open new doors, and provide new perspectives.
If you want any help creating new habits, shifting your mindset, or improving your self care, check out private coaching with Kitty. She can help you create lasting changes with ease! Schedule your complimentary 30 minute discovery call!
