Procrastination & Other Ways We Self Sabotage
Procrastination is a form of creative avoidance, which is one way we avoid working towards our goals. This desire to put off what we are working on is caused by our sabotaging identities, a subconscious part of us. These sabotaging identities are designed to keep you the same as you’ve always been because even if you don’t enjoy feeling those emotions associated with the way you’ve always been, these emotions are familiar and it identifies everything that’s familiar as safe.
Where do sabotaging identities come from?
At one point in your life (under the age of 7), these identities were actually helpful for you. For example, my primary sabotaging identity makes me think I’m not good enough. When I was 3-4 years old, this was beneficial because it kept me striving to be better and pushing myself to learn more and more. This identity is the reason why I could read at a 3rd grade level on my first day of kindergarten – it gave me a high level of motivation to be a better person. Over time I have grown more and more but that identity has stayed the same. Fast forward 32 years and this identity which used to be beneficial is now holding me back because when I am working on things, it has become the voice of my inner critic telling me that I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough.
This is the same for all six of the sabotaging identities – what used to help us is now holding us back. When you know what your particular sabotaging identity is, you can start to work with it so that it’s no longer running you! Besides identifying which sabotaging identity is holding you back, it’s important to recognize the ways you’re holding yourself back. When you recognize these patterns, you can use them as a cue to understand when your sabotaging identity has taken over!
In addition to procrastination, other common ways we self sabotage include:
- Chronic worrying: People tend to get stuck in a cycle of chronic worrying because it gives a sense of control over a situation. When something is out of your control, worrying can give us the illusion that we can do something about a certain situation. This in the end causes more harm than good however, causing more stress and anxiety than is needed.
- People pleasing: Sometimes we make decisions based on how it will make others feel. This can be self sabotaging as when we are in this mindset we aren’t making decisions or doing things based on what we want and we are holding ourselves back based on how we think this will make others react to us.
- Confusion: This is the sneakiest way we sabotage ourselves! By going into confusion and telling ourselves “I don’t know how to …” we are preventing ourselves from having to make a tough decision. Sure there are times that we don’t actually know, but it’s often that we use this as an excuse so we don’t have to move forward on our goals.
How can we reduce our self sabotage?
- Join my Empowered Living Membership! I will teach you all about the six sabotaging identities, how to spot them when they’re holding you back and what you can do to reduce the amount of self sabotage you’re experiencing. Plus so much more! Join now!
- Tap into your “big why:” Think about the deeper meaning for why you want something and return to that often. Your why is very important because it’s the motivation for everything that you do in life! When you recognize yourself in a self sabotage pattern take a step back and read your why statement to get tapped back into your power and take action.
- Connect with your higher self: Your higher self already has all of the answers. We can tune into our higher self by getting quiet and going within. Tap into that through meditation, walking in nature, journaling, or practicing gratitude. Any way that you get connected with your inner knowing is a great way to receive the necessary information from your higher self!
- Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Sides: Everyone has a dominant masculine or feminine nature. Masculine nature is active, external and often action taking. The feminine nature is more passive, thoughtful, creative and feeds internal energy. It’s important that we balance both of these energies so that one does not overpower the other. It’s very common in our culture to get stuck in masculine action taking mode and we get the best results when both of these sides are balanced. So ask yourself what feminine actions are you taking and how can you use them to support you in reducing your self sabotage!
Mirror Work Works!
Mirror Work Works – How to Improve Your Self Love!
Self love is an essential key to living a happy life. One of the most effective tools for increasing your self love is mirror work. Mirror work is a very simple concept – it involves looking at yourself in the mirror and saying/thinking nice things about yourself. Although it’s a simple concept, it’s not always an easy practice. I highly recommend doing these exercises if you want to improve your self love and acceptance.
How Does It Work?
When you look in the mirror, your emotions about yourself are reflected back at you. Whatever you are saying to yourself in your head is visible in the emotions on your face. If what you are saying to yourself is not very nice, this can be a challenging exercise at first. Thankfully it clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to shift if you want to improve your self love and live a joy filled life. And that’s the beauty of mirror work, it helps you become much more aware of those background thoughts you are saying to yourself, which is the first step at increasing your self love and the first step at shifting your mindset! The great news is that once you get into the habit of doing this regularly, it starts to become fun and you’ll learn to really enjoy this exercise!
Mirror Work Exercises
I recommend trying these exercises everyday for 21-30 days to dramatically improve your self love!
- Start off by smiling: this is one of the easiest places to start with mirror work. Stand in the mirror and close your eyes. Think about something (anything) that makes you really happy. Feel those happy feelings in your body and allow yourself to have a big smile from these feelings of happiness. Now open your eyes and keep smiling at yourself in the mirror for 1 minute. Notice how beautiful you are when you are smiling.
- Compliment and love yourself: this is the next step in building onto your mirror practice and can be added on after doing the smiling exercise. It’s very simple – look in the mirror and give yourself compliments out loud or in your head. They can be any kind of compliment (about your physical appearance, your personality, etc). Just spend 2-3 minutes complimenting yourself and saying “I love you” to yourself. Look at yourself as you would your best friend and simply be kind to yourself with your thoughts and your words. If you notice yourself having a not so nice thought about some part of you, be sure to find ways to compliment that part of yourself. The trick to this one is to look yourself in the eyes and say I love you to yourself so much that you actually believe it and the reflection of you says “I love you” back.
- Gratitude for your whole self: this is the most advanced type of mirror work. I strongly recommend working through the first two exercises before even attempting this last one. Again, the idea is simple – look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself compliments and be grateful to yourself for how amazing you are for 5 whole minutes. The catch? This exercise is to be done while you are standing in front of the mirror naked. Looking at every part of yourself in the mirror means that you can’t hide your negative thoughts about your body from yourself, they’ll be reflected back at you. Each time you notice yourself saying something negative, find a way to compliment that part of yourself. Although this may be the most difficult exercise, it’s definitely the most powerful and transformative.
Show Yourself Grace
Mirror work can be very tough in the beginning but the rewards make this exercise worth doing. Remember that like anything else, this is a process and it’ll get much easier with time. Even practiced people like myself can have negative reactions to looking at yourself in the mirror. Heck, I’m a mindset coach and I still catch myself occasionally saying negative things about myself when I look in the mirror. But I know firsthand how much this works! Fifteen years ago, I noticed that I never looked in the mirror. I would go days, weeks, even months without so much as glancing in the mirror and when I did I would grimace and say terrible things to myself in my head. After doing mirror work, not only do I now look at myself in the mirror, the vast majority of the time my first response is to say something nice to myself in my head. This exercise has helped me learn to love myself inside and out!
Benefits Of Mirror Work
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you’re saying negative things about yourself, you’re probably saying negative things about others and the world around you. So the benefit of loving yourself more will show up in every area of your life! Practicing self love daily will help reduce your overall stress and anxiety, boost your confidence and self esteem, increase your happiness and satisfaction with life, allow you to start living your full potential and so much more.
How else could your life improve when you increase your self love? Try it yourself today and find out!
How Meditation Changed My Life & Tips To Make Your Meditation Habit Stick
Meditation is a powerful tool that can totally change your life! I know because I am living proof of this – I wouldn’t be a coach today if it wasn’t for meditation! Read on to learn more story and tips on how to make your own meditation habit stick!
My Story:
I had heard from dozens of people “you need to meditate!” I was high strung, very stressed out and having regular anxiety/panic attacks. I decided that I didn’t want to live my life medicated any longer, so I went off my anti-anxiety meds and started looking for natural alternatives. After trying out many things, I found 2 things that worked and made a BIG difference: probiotics (read more here) and meditation!
The probiotics helped get my gut bacteria balanced out (there’s a lot of research showing link between microbiome imbalances and anxiety). The meditation helped me quiet my mind and unlocked many different doors that got me where I am today! At the time I started meditation, I was honestly afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I was constantly overwhelmed and on the verge of falling apart. I had just experienced some significant health challenges due to a long term leg injury and gained 50+ pounds as the result of my inactivity. I was depressed, anxious, and desperate to find a way out.
I had just met my husband, an avid meditator for years at that point, and he saw that it was obvious I could use support in quieting my mind. He encouraged me to meditate and I told him I had already tried and it didn’t work. Although I had tried, I had the incorrect expectations and understanding around meditation, which made it a painful process. I would sit quietly and attempt to stop all my thoughts, and if you’ve ever meditated, you know that’s when your thoughts come loud and fast like a fire hose. I would sit there, struggling to stop my thoughts, getting frustrated at myself and feeling like I was wasting my time. This lead to more anxiety and I always came out of the meditation more stressed out then when I sat down. After more than a dozen attempts, I decided that meditation just wasn’t for me and wrote it off entirely.
The Turning Point:
My husband heard my struggles and supported me in understand that meditation isn’t simply about stopping your thoughts. It’s about being present in the moment and letting your thoughts float by without being attached to them. He taught me about mindfulness meditation which is about focusing on your breath as an anchor and place to put your attention so you don’t get wrapped up in your thoughts. Knowing that I still was having trouble with that, he started me off in a much better place – active meditation. Active meditation is simply doing a task that requires to conscious effort so you can get into a zen-like meditative state.
I started off with meditative coloring, crafting, nature walks and I loved it. When I was physically doing something, I found it easy to get to a calm place in my mind and let go of my thoughts. I practiced active meditation as much as I could and really enjoyed it… my mind had been changed about how great meditation can be! Then I graduated to short guided meditations (5-10 minutes). I would sit and listen to soothing voices as people narrated my meditation experience. It was so easy to get into a meditative state and I felt amazing at the end! They were so enjoyable that I found myself listening to longer and longer meditations and eventually working my way up for 30+ minutes! I started to notice immediately that I was a lot less stressed, less reactive to things that used to trigger me and was genuinely enjoying life more!
Finally I had found my groove in meditation! After months of this, I finally moved onto quiet self guided meditations. These are more advanced techniques, so if you can do this, give yourself a pat on the back! I would spend 10-15 minutes each day of quiet meditation. At the time many things in my life had improved, however I still found myself searching for answers. My job wasn’t bringing me any joy but I had no idea what my next step would be. My health challenges and extra weight left me feeling disempowered and doctors had literally told me I was “broken,” so I was sad about that. All of my answers came through my quiet meditations!
During my meditation, I would hear these divine whispers pointing me in the correct direction. I was really sick of feeling “broken” and one day a giant lightbulb clicked: I wrote million dollar grants for the National Institute of Health and did research for a living… why had I not looked at the research to address my personal health struggles?! I threw myself into deep research and went deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole, loving every second I was researching about health. Long story short is that through research I solved all my health problems, completely changed my life and inspired me to become a health coach to help others. Meditation had turned me onto my new life path that I had been longing for!
Why you should meditate too:
There is TONS of research out there sharing the amazing benefits of meditation. It helped me completely change my life path and the more I looked inward for guidance, the more clear it became where I was going in my life.
So many people I have talked with say that they don’t have time for meditation. I think you don’t have time to NOT meditate! Taking a few minutes per day to meditation has shown to increase your productivity and mental clarity throughout the day, which helps you be significantly more effective. Turning inward for guidance helps you focus on what’s important instead of wasting your time on things that don’t matter to you (like what I was doing in my dead end job and the bad habits I was doing to escape my terrible job). Meditation gave me hours back everyday and made me a much better, happier person!
I’ve made a compelling argument of why it’s beneficial to add meditation to your self care routine. However, sometimes it can be hard to start a new habit. The next trick is making the habit stick!
Here are some tips for how to get your meditation habit to stick:
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- Start with active & guided meditations!
- Active meditation is easy! It is doing things that get you into a relaxed meditative state. Coloring, nature walks, doing the dishes, crafting, anything where you zone out and lose yourself in an activity that doesn’t require your mind.
- There are thousands of guided meditations available for free that you can use! Check out youtube or one of the many meditation apps for more guided meditations.
- Start small = 2-5 minutes is enough to start!
- Many people think that you need to meditate for 15-30 minutes per day. While that’s a great place to be, it’s often not accessible for someone starting out a meditation habit. As little as 2-5 minutes done every single day make a big difference in your life!
- Be consistent = meditate daily!
- Just like any other habit, consistency matters much more than duration when you want to establish a new habit.
- Establish a daily routine!
- Creating time in your calendar for a daily meditation routine is a huge key to success! Remember that doing things in the morning is the best way to ensure that they’re getting completed each day.
- Identify yourself as a meditator!
- Identifying yourself as a meditator is a great way to trick your brain into making it easier to establish a regular habit!
- Start with active & guided meditations!
By following these tips you’ll be able to easily form a meditation practice that benefits you without feeling like you don’t have the time!
Choose Happiness Today!
Happiness is amazing for your health! It improves your immune system, decreases your blood pressure and reduces stress in your body! However sometimes it’s tricky to feel happy when you’re stressed or unhappy in life. Thankfully it’s still possible to choose happiness no matter what the situation!
Here are some tips on how you can shift your mindset to choose happiness!
- Choosing happiness is NOT about ignoring negative emotions! It is very important to feel your emotions even if they’re negative! When you resist or ignore your negative feelings, they persist in your life and tend to get even louder. If you want to release negative emotions, it’s important to honor your feelings by acknowledging their presence and accepting the fact that they’re there. When you acknowledge and accept your negative feelings, you allow them to be released.
- Visualization is a great tool to shift into a feeling of happiness! Taking a moment to visualize things going well in whatever situation you’re in gives you a mental and emotional boost. The great thing about visualizing yourself as being happy is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between the visualization and reality. So not only are you normalizing the feelings of happiness in your body, you’re actually convincing it to shift into an emotional state of happiness to match the visualization!
- Gratitude is an excellent way to embrace your happiness. No matter what is going on around you, it’s possible to pause and find gratitude for things around you. If you’re in a negative situation this can be tricky but it’s still totally possible. By choosing to focus on gratitude, your choosing to see the silver lining in the situation and you’re consciously choosing to be happy in that moment!
- Positive affirmations & positive internal monolog are a great way to shift into happiness! Choosing to have an upbeat attitude and say positive things to yourself is encouraging and supporting. When you practice this you can have a great day and feel good no matter how much things seem to be falling apart around you. And similarly, positive affirmations are also programming your brain with positive things. Whatever we repeat to ourselves is programmed into the subconscious and it’s the job of the subconscious to make it true and find where it’s already present in our lives!
The Words You Say Matter!
Your internal monolog or the “voice inside your head” plays an important role in it can help you recognize how you see yourself and become aware of the thoughts that you have. A positive internal monolog is beneficial as it can help to decrease stress and relieve anxiety and depression. Your internal monolog is also a direct reflection of how you see and communicate in the world. This means a positive internal voice will reflect in positive actions externally and a positive view of the world!
A tip on how to shift your internal monolog:
It starts with awareness! Be aware of your inner voice and pay attention to what it is saying. Notice that not everything your inner voice says is true, the more you begin to realize this the easier it is to start to shift your thoughts and see your negative inner voice as not true.
- An exercise that helps with this- Pause throughout the day for 1 minute to ask:
- What am I thinking about right now?
- What am I feeling right now?
- You can remember to do this exercise by setting alarm reminders to go off randomly. You can also put a sticky note on your mirror that you’ll see everytime you wash your hands and look in the mirror (this is a great time to check in with yourself)!
Once you have awareness about your internal monolog, then you can start to identify what you’re thinking or saying to yourself that is holding you back. The easiest way to do this is to reframe the negative thoughts to be positive ones (ex: “This is a struggle for me” to “This is an opportunity for me to grow!”). Then anytime you notice yourself having that negative thought, you pause in that moment and say to yourself. I choose to see this in a positive way and repeat the positive phrase to yourself. If you want to learn more tips about how to shift your internal monolog, reach out to Kitty for additional support!
How is your self esteem? Here’s some self esteem boosting tips!
On a scale of 1-10, how high is your self esteem?
Having low self esteem can negatively affect many aspects of your life. It may interfere with normal day-to-day activities and even hinder your ability to create relationships. Low self esteem can affect both your personal and professional life in big ways. The good news is that there are ways that you can boost your self esteem!
Here are some things you can do to change your perception of yourself:
- Think positively and writing down 10 great things about yourself
- Reach out to loved ones and friends to ask them what they think your best qualities are
- Surround yourself with a positive and supportive people that are cheering you on
- Incorporate more physical exercise into your routine because exercise releases endorphins
- Do something with a purpose because helping others is a big boost in self esteem and gives you a greater sense of purpose in your life
- Plan and be proactive about what you need to focus on. Procrastinating or putting things off until the next day is a drain on self esteem and can make you feel overwhelmed
- Listen to your body – rest when you need to! We can often push ourselves which makes us feel drained and can cause us to focus on the negative aspect of ourselves.
- Make sure you eat right because nourishing your body is a necessity to have balanced emotions and mindset.
- Set time aside for yourself because self care is an essential aspect
If you’re having trouble looking on the bright side or want support in moving past some tough emotions, reach out to Kitty! She can help you start accepting and releasing the negative emotions and together we can start thinking creatively and help you figure out how to move past it!
Schedule a mindset coaching call with Kitty today!
How are you setting 2022 up for success?
How are you setting your new year up for success? January is the perfect time for reflecting on 2021 and planning what you want in 2022. Intentionally planning what we want to achieve in the new year makes us much more likely to reach our goals!
Here are some ideas of how you can set yourself up for success and be intentional on what you want to create this year!
- Vision boards: Vision boards are a fun way to see your goals on paper and put your big dreams out into the universe. Creating a visual representation of your intentions and goals that you can look at everyday is a great way to program your subconscious mind and shift your mindset to success.
- Writing out your goals – Journal on your goals and write down everything you want to achieve this year (and beyond!). Then choose the most important things on the list and create an action plan of how to get there. This will help you stay focused on what you want and give you the steps to get there!
- Creating intentions (themes you want to focus your year around): Set themes to focus on this year. Will you be bringing more gratitude into your year? Maybe you want to focus on being calm and centered. Take some time to think about how you want to show up and how you want to feel this year and set that intention!
- Start a new healthy habit: Create a new healthy habit for yourself. Do you have a morning routine that energizes you and mentally prepares you for the day? What about an evening routine that helps you wind down and get ready for bed. Focus on creating a new habit that will improve your life and your health.
- Create a schedule that incorporates doing more things that you love: In this new year, intentionally plan a schedule that you love, incorporate more time with your family, work in gym time, and blocks to relax. Intentionally creating a schedule that you love will make you happier day to day and you’ll always have something to look forward to!
- Make yourself a priority with consistent self care: Many of us tend to push our self care to the bottom of our to-do list. Self-care is incredibly important for our mental health and overall wellbeing! By filling ourselves up mentally, physically, and emotionally as our top priority, we are more productive, happier, and have better lives overall!
- Sign up for Kitty’s Believe, Receive, Achieve program, an all in 3 month journey to shift your mindset and transform your life! You will create a vision of your dream life and learn the secrets tips on how to bring this vision into reality. This program is designed to help you identify what is holding you back and release these blocks so that you can start living your best, most empowered life. In addition to learning tools and techniques, this program will teach you how to implement small lasting changes that will make a big difference in your life. This group launches on January 31st and is filling up fast, so reserve your spot here now!
How to set your year up for success!
It’s almost New Year’s Eve, so now is the perfect time to start thinking about 2022! What are some things you want to do differently this year? What are some improvements you want to make in your life this year? Here are some tips on how to set your year up for success!
- Reflect on the last year: Think about what worked and what didn’t work this past year. Was your self care lacking? Or maybe you didn’t get enough fruits and veggies in your diet. Try some of these journaling prompts to see what comes up for you and what you’d like to change in the new year: What went well for me last year? What accomplishments did I have? How did I improve my life? What do I wish I had taken more time for?
- Choose one thing at a time to focus on: Be intentional with your list of to-do’s. When making goals ask why you want to accomplish one specific thing and work towards that.
- Start a gratitude journal: Journaling is an amazing practice and habit to get into. One amazing way to practice journaling is to create a gratitude journal. Write down one thing daily that you were thankful for even if it’s as simple as not being stuck in traffic that day. In practicing gratitude you’ll start to notice you’ll look at the world a little differently.
- Try something new: Trying new things will open your eyes to new opportunities. Try out a new sport like pickleball or a new type of exercise like Zumba. You might even find a new hobby that you love!
- Write a personal mission statement or mantra: Do you have a mantra for the type of person you want to show up as? Create one for the new year and remind yourself of it daily.
- Slow down to gain momentum: Take some time everyday to think, plan, and slow down. You’ll become more aware of your dreams, and goals and you’ll gain clarity to move forward.
- Make new connections: Attend a networking event or reconnect with an old friend. Meeting with others will open new doors, and provide new perspectives.
If you want any help creating new habits, shifting your mindset, or improving your self care, check out private coaching with Kitty. She can help you create lasting changes with ease! Schedule your complimentary 30 minute discovery call!
No Interruptions Day
December 31st is No Interruptions Day! Make a conscious effort today to limit interruptions. When you learn to redirect your focus towards completing tasks you can be more mindful about your actions and the work that you are getting done.
Minimizing interruptions is a great way to be more mindful and productive during your day. Today is No Interruptions Day so what better day than today to start to change some of your habits to become less distracted. Check out our ideas below to increase your focus:
- Minimize interruptions – phone on airplane / turn off notifications
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed or frazzled take a short break – go for a walk, or stretch the movement away from your desk will feel great and reset your mind
- Make a list: Having a list of items that you’ll focus on will help you stay on track.
- Focus on one thing at a time: Multitasking used to be all the rage but studies have shown that isn’t very effective. Set a time to focus on one task at a time, make it a priority to get as much done as you can in the allotted time you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish!
- Declutter your space: Having a cluttered space can impact your focus and make it harder to concentrate. Take a few minutes to clean up extra clutter before your work day to eliminate distractions in your environment.
- Take short breaks: Setting time blocks and working short breaks into your schedule will increase your productivity and focus.
Take today to really reflect on how you are spending your time. Are you letting too many distractions get in the way of your work? Following some of the simple tips that we outlined above will really help kick off your productivity and bring more focus and mindfulness to all aspects of your life.
World Thank You Note Day!
Today is World Thank You Note Day! Writing a thank you note is a great way to share with others how much you appreciate them!! Writing thank you notes is a fun way to express your gratitude in a meaningful way that makes you both feel great!
In a world of texts and emails, writing handwritten thank you notes is a lost art form.
When I was growing up, my mother insisted I wrote thank you notes for everything I received. As a child it seemed laborious activity and as I grew older I could see the real value in it. Someone went to the effort to think about me and what I might enjoy, then they took the effort to send it to me. The least I could do was express my appreciation for it! I also had an experience once that solidified how important this simple act can be. I went to a wedding and gave a generous wedding gift … for which I never received a thank you note. I was both worried they had not received it and slightly offended that they never took the time to write me a note.
I also got to see how much joy it brought people to receive the thank you notes. My friends and family would often bring it up when we next spoke how much they appreciated my card. Fast forward to the technological age of today, this personal touch makes you really stand out as someone who cares. The best part is that it only takes 5-10 minutes to write a thank you and the impact it has is well worth the effort!
Here is a new twist on thank you notes that I would encourage you to do: instead of thanking people for their presents, thank them for their presence in your life!
For everyone who has had an impact on your life or supported you in a meaningful way, write them a thank you note! Really pour your heart into it as you write. Tell them how much they mean to you. Talk about the things you admire in them or why you love them. Share with them the impact they have had on you and the lessons they have taught you. Imagine how much the people in your life would feel appreciated and loved. And I promise that this will deepen your relationships with the important people in your life!
Although this might sound overwhelming at first, this can be such an easy thing to do! If you wrote one of these thank you notes each week, starting with the most important people, you would be able to share your gratitude with everyone in your life in a few months. I recommend starting your week out with this simple exercise because it will help you focus on gratitude throughout the week. Happy writing!
